Hitting On A Blonde In Borders Books
I went to Borders books yesterday to pick up the new Kathy Griffin memoir. Hey, shut the fuck up, Kathy Griffin is funny. I grabbed the book and began browsing through other new releases. I saw someone out the corner of my eye. I glanced up and quickly locked into the deep blue eyes of an attractive blonde. She was almost all the way over my right shoulder when we saw each other. We stared at each other until I couldn’t turn my head anymore. Then she disappeared behind a rack of magazines.
We only locked eyes for a second, but they said a lot. I read them like a book. The title of that book was, “I’m a hot, single blonde in a bookstore. Please, please, please come talk to me right fucking now”. I’ve always been bad at that kind of thing. Hollering at an attractive woman in a store always scares me. I never know how to break the ice. Before I could think of an awful pick up line, a sales associate walked her right up to where I was. She had a pile of books in her hand. The associate recommended a money management book no more than 3 feet from me. That was fucking convenient!
She was really skinny, but healthy. I could see her spine and collarbone, which works just fine for me. My 1st thought was, Yoga Instructor. When I saw her from a distance I pegged her as 25. Up close she looked a little closer to 35. Her body was fucking booyah, but the crow’s feet gave it away. She had dimples in her cheeks and a cute button nose. She had on a black tank top and black cargo pants that cut off just below the knee. She was wearing Rasta colored flip-flops and a toe ring on each foot. She had long blonde hair, which was almost bleached it was so light. A dark green army hat covered her eyes. The sales associate left and she looked at me again. All I had to do was say hi. It was a no brainer.
She said hi back. Now what? See, I am bad at this kind of thing. I began fumbling around like a dick while thinking of what to say next. I asked her what she was shopping for. She said, “Weeelllllll, I think I need to learn how to handle my money better”. I also noticed 3 books on career change in her hand. It was an interesting combination of books. I thought to myself: Either she’s dumb rich, or piss poor. She looked at my book and said, “Don’t gay guy’s like Kathy Griffin?”
What a BITCH! The balls on this chick! I loved it!
I said, “YES!” (Only if she knew)
She laughed and the ice was broken. We stood at the table and talked for 10 minutes. Then we waited in line together. The whole time she talked about how irresponsible she’s been with money. She’s been thinking about going back to school to be a massage therapist, or to do holistic medicine. I walked her to her car, which was a HUGE monstrosity of an SUV with tinted windows and rims. Goddamn, hip-hop! Yah no SHIT you’ve been irresponsible! Did Ludacris know that she had his car?
She cave me her card. It was pink and said, “Cleo”, on one side. Her number was on the other. I hugged her and left. I am excited. I rarely pick up on women in stores. I drove off feeling confident. There is definitely something fishy with this chick, though. Money management & career change books, a Jay-Z SUV and an awful pink card. God I’m paranoid. Going to call her tomorrow, TBC.
4 months ago
