Single Mans Diary

I am a 30 yr old single Jewish dude in California. I work in entertainment, college educated, decent looking, very insecure, neurotic, super sensitive, funny, confused and totally together. These are my adventures in dating, sex, love, and how I truly feel about the women I go out with. Please let me know what you think. I'd love to hear your honest opinions. Oh, and yes the grammar sucks I know. It's like that for a reason, trust me don't ask. - - Single Man's Diary The Book, Coming 2010

October 5, 2009

"The Talk" With The Funny Redhead

I went to a dinner/b-day party this past Saturday night. The Evite showed 10 people, I didn’t know half of them. I got a nice bottle of wine, sprayed on some sex spray and set out to the party. I walked into a nice little house in Eagle Rock and was immediately bombarded by 3 German Shepherds. I love you doggies but get the FUCK off me. I’m not trying to get your fucking hair on my suit jacket.

I kneed the dogs and rounded a corner into the kitchen. The first person I saw was the funny redhead! HEEEEEEEY YOOOUUUUU! We gave each other a BIG hug. Neither of us knew each other would be there. She came with a friend last minute. We’ve chatted and emailed a few times since we hooked up. We haven’t asked each other for plans again, but there hasn’t been any odd feelings either. It’s been really friendly. After our last hook up I’m not sure of I really want to do it again though. It was cock punishment.

I think a year ago I would have been concerned about her being at the party. Concerned if others knew her and I hooked up, and what they thought of me for hooking up with a bigger girl. But I didn’t give a shit. She’s cool! The whole thing is like…. mature.

Strange.

Almost 20 people ended up at the party. Dinner started 5 minutes after I got arrived. I barely had time to meet everyone. Seating was pre-arranged and the funny redhead and I ended up on opposite ends of the table. After dinner we finally got some time to chat. We went outside and sat in a backyard. She was as fun and bubbly and awesome as usual. Even though things have been extremely friendly since we hooked up, I felt funny inside. I felt some kind of internal pressure, like “What should I do next? Where is this going? Am I obligated to do anything?” She told me she didn’t want a relationship so I assumed everything was kosher, but I still had this strange guilty feeling. And I didn’t want to fuck with her or hurt her. Regardless, I do like being with her and told her I was happy to see her. Then she said,

“I’m REALLY happy to see you, too! I’ve been thinking about you. I’m going to tell you something and I hope you’re not offended. Last time we hung out you said that you weren’t looking for a relationship. I said the same, but to be honest…. I was lying. I am looking. I’d still like to hang out and talk with you, but I’m just not sure if it should be anything more than friendly. I know me. I could get attached, and that would be bad. I’d be crying and stalking you, just kidding.”

My initial reaction was UHHHH, but only for a half second. There’s something about being rejected that makes you go UHHHH, even if it’s something you don’t want or someone you totally hate. I said no problem, and we gave each other a big ol hug.

It really couldn’t have worked out better. I avoided hurting her and gained a super cool friend in the process, I hope…

The fucked up thing is, if the sex wasn’t so bad I probably would’ve liked to pursue it a little bit longer because of how damn cool she is. I’m a dick.