You're Clean, Right?
I went to yet ANOTHER wedding this weekend in Santa Cruz. Is it me, or is everyone in the world is getting married or having a baby lately?
Anyway…
I was staying with a friend’s family who had 8 other people staying in the house. I got picked last when it came to sleeping arrangements and got stuck with the fucking couch. If I knew that before hand I would’ve got a hotel room. No worries, it was only for one night. I figured I’d probably get shit faced and end up sleeping on a rock somewhere anyway.
The wedding was held in a Lodge deep in the woods. When I got to the wedding the groom (who probably shouldn’t be getting married) gave me a big hug. He pointed at the bridesmaids and said, “Ok, who do you like”.
What a prick!
I pointed to a cute brunette with bangs. She looked like she could have had a little Asian in her but I wasn’t sure. The groom responded, “She’s single, have at sailor. Oh and btw, I fucked her a few years ago”.
This fuggin guy!
The ceremony was nice, lots of tears. The brunette and I finally met at the reception. She claimed to have met me a year ago at a party in LA but I had zero recollection of her, or the party. She was definitely a little wacky. She was very talkative and her voice incredibly raspy. As the night went on I could totally see why she fucked my friend (who is a notorious player). She was a little wild, a party chick. But I was having a good time. I was out of town and wanted to make the most of the trip.
Whenever she finished a drink, a little man with a remote control would turn her decibel level up a notch, and after her 4th drink she was in the RED! She was LOUD. For example, when I told her where I went to college she responded:
“SSSHHHHUUUTTTTT…….UUUUUUPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!! MY SISTER WENT THEEEEEEREEEEE!!!!”
Me: I used to live near the Venice circle.
SSSTTTOOOOOOOOOPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OOOOOMMMGGGGGG SO DID IIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!
She was constantly shouting and whoo-hoo’ing to the music. When she did people would turn and look at her like she was fucking insane. She was all over me on the dance floor, freaking and grinding me. I felt like I was 19 at a frat party. It was pretty fucking funny.
The reception ended. It dawned on me that I was fucked. The friend who I came with had left. I didn’t have a key, or any clue how to get back to the house. The brunette said she knew exactly where I was staying and knew the family. We walked to her car. I told her I would drive since she was shithoused. I put the key in the ignition and turned.
Dead Battery.
FffffffUCK! She said, “It’s totally cool, we can just call my mom. She lives close. She picks me up all the time it’s totally cool”.
It’s 3:30am; we are NOT calling your fucking mom!
I tried to call a cab but we were deep in the woods with no cell reception. I started to have a panic attack. I tried the car again. It started! Thank GOD! We drove back to the house where I was staying. I tiptoed up to a window I thought was been my friend’s room and began whispering his name. No luck. The brunette went to the front of the house and tried a living room window. It was unlocked. She hopped in and opened the front door! Crazy!
She asked me where my room was, I pointed to the couch in defeat. We started making out and plopped down on it. She was really aggressive and began loosening my tie and unbuttoning my shirt immediately. She got my pant’s down and began rubbing my cock. She lifted her dress all the way up over her head and threw it on the floor, leaving her in her panties.
I was afraid someone was going to come down and yell at us. There were grandparents upstairs N shit!
She said, “You’re clean, right?” I responded, “Huh?”
“You’re clean meaning you don’t have any diseases or anything, right? I don’t have any condoms but I know I’m clean so everything’s ok. I just got tested. And I’m on the pill”.
Noooooo Noooooooo Nooooooo! Sex without a condom? Are you fucking CRAZY? I told her that we couldn’t have sex without a condom, no way, no how. She said ok. We sat on the couch and took a breather. She sprawled out, putting her head on my shoulder. I closed my eyes for a quick second, and opened them 2 hours later to the sun coming up. I was half naked and she was in her panties. I woke her up and told her to get dressed before someone came downstairs. She did and left.
I felt horrible the next day. Hung over on 2 hours sleep. I couldn’t believe that girl. “You’re clean, right?” Jesus H Christ
3 months ago
