The Long & Short Of It
A reader wrote me the other day asking what men thought about certain women’s hairstyles. Not the most riveting topic perhaps, but I felt like I should elaborate.
I’m pretty much open to any hairstyle. I love it really long, as well as really short. I especially like short haircuts that are kind of spiky and rocker-ish. I remember watching this episode of Millionaire Matchmaker. While screening dates, that Patti chick interviewed this beautiful Australian chick who had a haircut just like this and During the interview she said, “No man is going to go for you with a haircut like that, come back tomorrow with extensions”. I thought to myself—are you fucking high? Her haircut is HOT! And what guy wants extensions???
Speaking of extensions, I don’t understand them. Like, I just don’t understand the point. I know some women have nappy hair and prefer extensions, which are fine by me, but I’d rather run my fingers through nappyness than nothing at all. However, even though I don’t prefer them, I certainly don’t mind them. I think the only women I’ve been with who wore extensions or a weave have been black women. I remember the first time I tried to run my fingers through the hair of a girl who had a weave, it freaked me the fuck out!
Holy shit! That reminds me of a story, I need to sidetrack for a sec.
Ok so at the time I was 21 and I was playing bass in this awful cover-band. Well, we were actually pretty good but we couldn’t write an original song to save our lives. Anyway, we were playing at a party one night and after our set I met this hot black girl who asked us to play at her 21st b-day party. She said she lived in a huge house in Bel-Air, and we’d need to bring some additional gear. For this 5-hour gig she agreed pay us $1500.00 dollars.
We were fucking stoked! We hadn’t made more than $100.00 a show before that. We went to her huge house and lugged tons of gear up 3 flights of stairs and played all night. At 1am she cut me a check for $1500.00, and THEN she asked me out on a date! Oh man, I thought I was fucking dreaming. I thought—how could life get any better?
So on our 1st date we ended up on my couch, making out. While we were kissing I tried to run my fingers though her long, wavy caramel colored hair and when I did I hit some sort of material. I thought—what the hell is that? Is it gauze or something? Did she hurt her head? Does she have massive stitches? Is something wrong with her? I had no idea what a weave or tracks were at the time, so it seriously freaked me out!
Anyway so we went out again and just kissed at the end of the night. At the time I was really timid and “nice”, so I didn’t make any serious moves. The day after our 2nd date I received a letter from my bank.
The check bounced.
I thought—this can’t be right. She’s rich! Plus, we’re dating now. I called her up right away. I liked her so I was really sweet and cautious about it like, “Hey…you know I think your check bounced?” She gave me some story, promising to get me another check. She never did, and it turned out she didn’t even live in that Bel-Air mansion. It was her Uncles and he had been out of town. I ended up suing her in small claims court and never got the money. FYI, small claims court is a fucking JOKE. I felt pretty used by her. She knew the fucking check was going to bounce all along, and just went out with me to soften the blow. My band mates were bummed, and I felt like a total jerk.
Ok back to hair. Yah so, I don’t get weaves. Also, things have to be pretty dramatic for me to notice. Sometimes a female friend will say, “Do you like me new hair color?” I will look at her with confusion. Then she’ll say, “It was dark, dark brown before but I changed it to black”.
How am I supposed to notice that? I lost 2 lbs, can you tell?
I notice big things like: Was long, now very, very short—pink or blonde streak or black streaks—bleached blonde to brown—brown to bleached blonde—tons of braids when there were none before, ect. Minor curls, slight color changes or cuts shorter then 6 inches go totally unnoticed. And it’s not because I’m being a dick, it’s just that I honestly don’t notice.
The only thing that tends to annoy me about women’s hair is when I’m constantly cleaning that shit out of my shower or sink. I’ve had conversations with women I’ve dated in the past like, “After you smear your loose hair all over my shower, please just gather it up and throw it away”. They never would and it made me crazy. Oh, and dreadlocks on a white woman are totally foul, they’re dirty and filthy. Black women can rock em but dreads on a white girl is a serious FAIL.
3 months ago
